"I don't like people looking at me!"

"Don't look at me! Why are you looking at me?! "

For a moment there, I thought Frankie was talking to me but then I followed his angry gaze and noticed a lady near by who was as surprised as I was to hear the kid's words. We were at Target, shopping around and waiting fore Rebecca near the fitting room. I was so embarrassed for Frankie's words that I just attempted to apologize to the lady (profusely!) and hardly had time to digest the meaning of such statement. My son was using his words - very clearly by the way - to express how he felt about someone looking at him...nothing wrong with that, but at the same time, he was breaking one of the most basic society rules: "don't blur out what you really, really, think." Granted, I know that Frankie's Autism doesn't make him very social, but I was expecting shyness, not blunt honesty!

After the lady walked away, I looked at Frankie and talked to him about what had just happened and here is where the real funny part happened. While I was talking to him I was using all of my "training" and newly acquired skills to help him substitute an inappropriate behavior with a socially accepted one (thanks UW team!). Well, that didn't work. I told Frankie that when people looked at him, he should look back and say "hello" - no can't do, he said he didn't like people to look at him. Then I said, he could just look away if he didn't feel comfortable but that didn't fly either - he said "No" again and with a very annoyed expression, he repeated really slowly: " I... don't....like.....people.....looking.....at.....me! and that was the end of it for me and I dropped the subject.

Later on that afternoon we met up with Raci and Victor for lunch at the mall and I started to share with Raci what had happened earlier; I had not finished my first sentence when Frankie interrupted me and said "I don't like people looking at me!" I couldn't stop laughing and that was probably the wrong thing to do but I couldn't help but to recall how many times I didn't really like people looking at me either! What exactly was wrong with that, anyway? Yes, yes, it's wrong because it's rude. BINGO! that was the ticket, I told Frankie that saying things like that hurts people's feelings and they get sad. He listened. I didn't get the same answer I was getting before and it felt like he was truly taking the time to process that piece of information I had just given him. I trust that in the future he learns to comply with this basic social rule but I'm sure he will do it, not because he agrees with it but because he doesn't want to hurt people's feelings. That's just how he rolls......

Star Wars Fighters

Here is a riddle for you:

What do you get if you cross a star wars fighter space ship with a character from the movie Cars? This is what you get:

Now, just to refresh your memory, THIS is what a "real" star wars fighter looked like:

Now, do you get the resemblance?

Well, not to worry, I didn't see it either! But if you are Frankie, they are pretty much the same thing! As long as Victor shares his opinion and plays along with him, Frankie does not care if anybody else agrees with his "creation." Of course, Victor is the biggest fan of Frankie's creation, since he is, without a doubt, his little brother's mentor. In our family, we have gotten accustomed to Victor's contraptions and original costumes - we are not surprised with anything he comes up with but with Frankie, well, that's a different story. See, being in the Autism Spectrum prevents Frankie from naturally playing pretend games or "pretending" that toys are things that they are not. This is why, creating a car that has supersonic abilities to fly and shoot in space was off the charts for him! Clearly we have taken the Star Wars frenzy a little too far in our household ever since the Christmas arrival of "the helmet," the light sabers and later on "the gun" for Victor's birthday...if you add the movie watching marathon, I believe we have ruined the boys forever....Well, I do believe that as long as the famous Lucas' films allow our kids (ALL of our kids) to dream, to create and to enjoy their fantasy world, May the Force be with them!

The Rain

There is something magical about a rainy day. It's especially magic when it's quiet enough that you can hear the drops falling on the roof. It's soothing. The gloomy, rainy days of Seattle are like a dream come true for me. I must be very different from most people, but my spirit is lifted when I wake up to a rainy, cloudy day. The smells of a rainy day are so intense for me they awaken my senses and most often bring a smile to my face. Nobody else in my family shared this love for the rain with me, or so I thought, until the other day when Frankie gave me this picture he painted at preschool. I asked him what it was and he told me it was "the rain." This started a long conversation with him about the rain - a perfect opportunity to pick his brains! His eyes had a special light when he talked about it and his face was lit with enjoyment when he told me how much he liked the noise the rain made against the window of the car. He told me the rain was cold and that he liked to open his mouth to drink it (???) but most important of it all, he told me the rain made him happy. I do know it's true now because I watch him looking out the window when it's raining, when we are driving; I can check him out in the rear view mirror and he has a smile in his face...I often ask him if he is happy because of the rain and he answers with a big "YES!" It makes me wonder sometimes if being in Seattle is not only an opportunity to get help for our son and to provide a better life for all of us but also, in some special way, if this little piece of heaven was always meant to be home for us...I know that so far, Frankie and I are enjoying the rain, the smells it awakens from the earth, the soothing sounds it makes when it falls and the promise of a better tomorrow it often brings along.

Big Brother, Little Brother

During a recent visit to the library, the boys came across this book and went bananas over it - especially Frankie.  He started pointing at the book cover and identifying the boys in the book with Victor and himself.  As a matter of fact, I must agree the boys pictured in the cover share some physical similarities with my two boys but what's really the substance here is the story it tells.   This is not a blog entry about a book review, really, but the main idea behind this story is how these two brothers relate to each other and how they "understand" what the other one wants.  It wasn't too long ago, when Frankie was still non-verbal, that Victor was the main interpreter for his brother...I am starting to see the favor being returned by Frankie when Victor has an occasional meltdown.  These two complete each other in a way I never realized before when I was growing up myself.  I had siblings, sure, they were fun to play with and now that we are adults, I know I can count of them unconditionally, but the relationship that Frankie and Victor are building is nowhere near anything I have seen in other family siblings.  Frankie completes Victor in the way that he provides him with the audience he needs, the adoration, the attention, and makes him feel responsible and in charge, in two words, a Big Boy. Ever since Frankie started school, Victor comes along to drop him off in the morning, making sure other kids are nice to Frankie and helping him get through the "morning" social ritual of saying hello and commenting on the new backpack, the new haircut or the interesting stuff brought over for sharing.  I can see how Frankie follows Victor's leads and cues in the hard game of being "cool" and relating to his classmates - he is so blessed to have a big brother to look up to and Victor is so lucky to count on his little brother for unconditional admiration. They are beginning to understand who is the Big Brother and who is the Little Brother and they are both relating to their role pretty seriously...I can only hope they stay close to each other as they grow up and more than brothers, that they become life-long friends.