Wednesday, March 7, 2012

In my daugther's laugh

I seldom write on my blog about my daughter, Rebecca . It's a shame and I am sorry. I am going to fix that today because I just discovered something: we have the same laugh! Yes, we don't look alike - we have never even looked like we are related but thanks to a special gift from an amazing photographer, we learned we have the same laugh....

I wasn't planning to be in Becca's 15th birthday photos because this session was about her and about her only. I didn't dress for it, and I had hardly any make up on - even my hair was messy! It felt so awkward when Carly, our photographer, asked me to join Becca for a shot. "You have to trust me!" she said. So I did.

See, Becca doesn't get much attention these days; she is kind of on "auto pilot" ever since our lives went on "Autism mode" with our youngest child - add a middle child with ADHD-overload and you get an eldest daughter who needed to mature fast.....sadly, there wasn't much time left for her. We got lucky because Becca was born old; sometimes I think she is an old soul who has been here many times and yet, because of that, she manages to stay a child at heart. I think she always will. She doesn't ask for much; she blends in the background and is hassle-free to raise. I do feel guilty sometimes that I don't have to deal with many issues when it comes to Becca - more like none. Honestly, it would tip me over the edge to face teenage drama when our house is an ABA-center, treating tantrums, meltdowns and emotion regulation issues all at once - so I am grateful and I count my blessings, starting with a special daughter like Becca.

Besides all the fun stuff we have planned for her 15th birthday I did want to keep one thing traditional; the Quince Photo Session. Still, I didn't want it to be traditional, on the contrary, I wanted to capture and share with the ones who love her, the real spirit of being young, beautiful and most of all, kind and simple. This is a lot to ask from a photographer! I wanted her to capture the very essence of what makes a daughter special for her mother.... Really??? I agree, it was an unreasonable expectation but I found Carly and she did more than what I expected.....

Carly took pictures, yes, but she also helped me discover that a lot of what Rebecca is, she has learned from me - perhaps I am not slacking off so much on paying attention to Rebecca the way I sometimes feel. Perhaps, facing Autism as a family has also made her become more compassionate, more patient and it has given her a sense of belonging. We all have a common goal in this family and it is to make each others lives better, easier and fun. Most of all, we do strive to have FUN. We cry sometimes but we mostly laugh - and whether the going gets tough or it gets easier, Becca and I walk together - Countless times, she picked me up when I was falling into an ugly hole and she would offer a listening ear....she also made me laugh when I really didn't see anything funny about long hours of early intervention sessions and missing our family in Florida.

I know a photographer doesn't work magic, but an artist, who has a true passion for her art, can strive to find the magic in others.....Carly did find it in Becca. Because I believed she had a gift, Carly in turn gave me one. I trusted her when she told me to do so....I hugged my daughter, kissed her and laughed together because I do love her laugh.

Wait, it's also MY laugh!

Like mother like daughter, they say..... In this case, it probably is the other way around.

Thanks, Carly, we owe you one!


ORFA said...

For more information about Carly, please visit:

Debbie Marsh said...

Beautiful, from start to finish... once again I am moved and impressed by your heartfelt writing! Your daughter is stunning, and if she shares your laugh, she is a lucky girl. I'll bet you have many other things in common, and most of all you are fortunate to be in each other's lives, and to be part of such a special family.

ORFA said...

Thanks Debbie - as always, you are such a loyal fan! :)