The Field Trip That Wasn't

So I mentioned before I don't like field trips....but I cried this morning because I couldn't make it to one.

First time I don't go with one of my kids to a field trip since we moved here and I felt so bad I couldn't believe I was the same person. Let's see, getting out of riding a bus with 40 kids AND getting muddy at a pumpkin field? I would have yelled: Priceless! Not anymore. Something has changed in my life and I guess I've had a "paradigm" shift or something major like that happen to me...A quantum moment? perhaps, but the truth is I would have done anything to be with my kid today. Sure I've got good reasons that made it impossible for me to be there and that's the main point of this entry, still, I realize now that my life will never be the same after this "sabbatical" with my kids is over. Life will not be the same and I will not be the same

This blog always allows me to put things in perspective and not take anything for granted. The pain and deep sadness I felt this morning when I waved bye to my kid from the classroom door was only as intense as the jealousy -the "good" kind - I felt for the other parents who were going. Although my kid didn't make any demands and he understood the reasons why I wasn't going with him, I walked away with tears in my eyes and realized that I'll never again mistake a privilege for a God-given-right. "Treasure every moment" I've heard before but never I had truly experienced it like this morning. Granted, the reasons for missing the field trip were sound - I had to stay home due to the different school schedules for the boys this year- yet, I had the horrible realization this was the first of many school-related events I will have to miss. I've had to juggle two school schedules for Frankie and his ABA hours at home, including a change from morning class to afternoon class so he can have enough time in the day to get it all done - yes, I'm stretching myself thin and it has proven to be so far THE most stressful school year of my life! Everyone is feeling the pressure, even if I am constantly saying:"It's all temporary," "It's just this year," still, we all have made sacrifices, including Frankie. As a matter of fact, this is not "the" first field trip that I have missed this year - I missed one for Frankie last week because I didn't even realize that it was scheduled! with the many activities for both his schools, I have to sharpen my organization skills, which are already pretty shaky!, and this one trip fell through the cracks! At least it was a "walk" to visit the nearby supermarket so I got over it a little faster than Victor's pumpkin farm - I felt horrible but no tears were shed! Wait, let me not forget that I couldn't even volunteer to be a chaperon for Rebecca's first Middle School "dance" - more like jumping and running with dim lights and loud music after school - nevertheless, a very important experience for her - one that I missed. I don't think Rebecca wanted me there or minded much that I couldn't make it but I still feel like I should have done it, even if it was just to get on her bad side!

Funny, if you ask me, that I feel this way when I remember all those years, back when I was a career woman and seldom made it to a field trip. If I only knew then that one day I would drive away in tears after watching my kid get on a yellow bus to go pick pumpkins!!! I know that when I pick him up this afternoon he will be happy with his pumpkin and all sorts of stories about his field trip. Perhaps by then, he would have forgotten that mom didn't make it to the trip with him. I know I will still remember...at least for a little while longer.

Lost in The Farm!

So I have been a little lost lately. Well, more like a LOT lost but it's all due to a good reason: Farming! I have been growing tons of grapes, artichokes and now flowers but the best of it all is that I am rocking the cattle, horses, chickens and even the elephant business! I do have a few blog entries that I will eventually finish and post with a fake date since they actually took place during the summer months - hey, I was too busy with the farm, you know? Sure, virtual farming might not be as good as writing, at least for feeding the intellect, but it sure has been tons of fun! When things got a little hard with Frankie after our trip to Miami in the summer and there was no way I could produce any deep, insightful (or funny) entries for this blog the Farmville at Facebook helped me cope. Once the school year started, bringing about more changes and adjustments for all of us, my blog got smaller and my Farm got bigger!

So I am not saying I am giving up farming all together but I am back to my blog; perhaps I can work on my inspiration while picking some apples :-)

Walking in Frankie's Shoes

Walking in Frankie's shoes



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Noise, ear muffs and a good friend....

So we do crazy stuff with our kids. We've always taken them along to everything we do, at any time in any place and we've decided to do the same with Frankie too - no matter what. Personally, in my saga to prove a point, I've always faced the chance of the experience falling apart rather than avoiding it because of Frankie being in the spectrum. Granted, sometimes we have failed but we would rather say that we've tried and failed than to have missed the chance for our kids to experience life. Now, there is a fine line between taking a plunge "cold turkey" style and simply not being "prepared" for it. I learned the difference last Saturday, thanks to my new friend "Teacher Erin."

We were invited to celebrate the 4th of July with our new friend and her family in a very different way than we had had done it in the past. We were going to a demolition derby with fireworks at the end. OK, that was a new thing and we always, always, always go for the new stuff, for sure. I figured the boys like cars, races and all things boyish so we can't go wrong with that - now, Rebecca might attend under protest but thank God Erin has a daughter who is Rebecca's age so those two could cancel each other out together! The plan was finalized and we were on our way to tons of fun, noise and fireworks. Did I mention noise? Yes, it did raise a flag in the back on my head that it might be a little noisy for the kids but I dismissed it right away. I deemed my "flag" to be a form of panic for the infamous "sensory" word that's always dangling on top of my head when I think of Autism. I don't believe Frankie has any sensory issues at this time but there is always the fear that one day I would find out he does. Well, after witnessing the kind of noise in this place, I think ANY three year old would develop sensory issues there!

There I was, at the stadium, hugging my three year old who in turn was covering his ears with both hands just as "The Beast" - a supersonic aerodynamic race car- almost broke the sound barrier as an opening to the show. All the stories, all the You Tube videos we watched, all the talks before the event went to waste once the noise started. The noise. Why didn't I think of fixing that BEFORE we got there. I know why. Because using anything (and I mean anything) as a crutch to help my kid is like failing to me. I know it's dumb because I don't have any issues with life vests in the pool or training wheels in a bicycle but I see those as a means to an end. Providing Frankie with "accessories" to cope is something that I dismiss immediately, almost always not as a conscious decision. I know I can be very stupid when it comes to missing the "fine line" between being tough and just plain ignorant...Luckily, there is always an angel in my path and Ms Erin came to my rescue!

During those long five minutes I spent holding Frankie and trying to figure out if I should call it a day and get back to the van, I noticed Erin asking her sister to go to the store at the stadium to get us some ear plugs for Frankie. Ear plugs...what a concept! Then she explained there were not only ear plugs, she was getting him BIG ear muffs and that he should be OK with them on...boy, she was not kidding. Ten minutes and $13 later I felt like volunteering for one of those Master Card commercials. The words out of my mouth when I saw the "magical" big, black ear muffs was: Priceless! Yes, priceless is the opportunity to have my kids enjoy something new without fear. Priceless is to turn a scary situation into an awesome experience. Priceless is a friend who helps you without judging you. Priceless is a lesson learned and never to be forgotten. I have learned that I don't have to be tough on my kids all the time for all things....sometimes, it's OK to let them use training wheels...indefinitely.

By the way, Victor didn't want any "ear muffs" and Rebecca actually had a good time with Robyn. I guess things do have a way to work out!