Easily Amused!

I never considered myself a simple-minded person, on the contrary, I used to enjoy complicated things, the more polarized a subject, the more interesting a discussion was for me! I was probably obnoxious and pushy; perhaps I was convinced that I was sharp and smart but the truth is I was probably unbearable.

That seems so long ago now that sometimes I feel like that was another person's life and not mine. Indeed, it was. My life is simple now. Day by day and step by step but boy, the pleasures a simple life can afford are amazingly underestimated. My world was turned upside down on a cold winter morning when a therapist from the UW Autism Center told me that my son had Autism; still, the first thing that popped into my head was: How do I fix him? I didn't think of the why's, I didn't ponder on when this had happened, all I wanted was to move forward, to look ahead and get my child to be normal, just like everyone else. I have been working on defeating Autism ever since that morning but I have also realized along the way that my son is not broken. He doesn't need fixing. He doesn't need to be like everyone else. His life is harder than other children's because he has to learn everything - nothing comes to him naturally but that is just a fact we live with. Once I stopped looking at him like a project to be completed, I started enjoying him for who he really is. Life became amusing and simple at the same time.

I cry easily these days but I also laugh easily and I must confess I'm easily amused. I'm amused at how things fall into place everyday and when they don't, I go to bed crossing my fingers that it will all be better in the morning. It might take a few mornings but they always do fall into place and when they do, it's always a small miracle.

One thing that makes me immensely happy is to see my children laughing. I can't help but to smile when I hear them giggling!~ Once upon a time my baby boy lost his voice and his smile but today he laughs and I can't help but to laugh with him, even when I might also have a tear or two in my eyes.

It's all in the small stuff and there is no reason not to enjoy it, one smile at a time.

Sparky the dog!

This is Sparky, our dog. We don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet but we know it's a Portuguese Water Dog. (no relation to the Obama's dog, for the record). We don't know when Sparky will join our family but we know it will. We are sure as the sun will rise tomorrow that this dog will be our friend, our helper and our guide in so many ways the possibilities are keeping me up at night. This might just be the biggest thing that has happened in our family since Victor was able to drink regular milk or since Rebecca discovered Dr. Who, the series. I tell you, it's BIG.

Sparky is not going to be a regular dog. It will come from the best line of dogs we know, raised with love to work for love. I can't put it any other way.

So, we are not big animal people....to say the least, our daughter Rebecca has suffered for a long time because we wouldn't get a pet, specifically, a dog. We couldn't commit to the extra work and I personally felt it was just too much of a responsibility and I couldn't be bothered. Truth is, I didn't want to get emotionally invested with a pet that I knew will die one day. Well, life has a way to make you face your fears and I did fall in love with a dog, our sister's dog, who came to live with us two years ago. Although she was an older lady, Chiqui was amazing with our kids and when she was gone she left a big hole in our lives and in our hearts. I did learn one thing out of our experience with Chiqui; she brought the best out in all of us, especially in Frankie. They shared a especial connection and when the end was near for her, she chose to lay next to his bed - sometimes I wonder if she knew how much he really needed her and did not want to leave.

Since then, one thing has led to another and on a fateful sunny day we were at the City of Shoreline Parade and met a happy bunch - they go around helping people, young and old through their labor of love. This singular troop is lead by Mrs. Laurie Hardman, who is a certified breeder and trainer of these amazing dogs, the Portuguese Water Dogs. I must confess I'm very ignorant about dog breeds and I had no knowledge of them before; I did like their no-shed coat and hypoallergenic quality but that was that. Because I like to know and I like to research, I have made it a point to find out more about who these dogs are. I have found out they are intelligent, independent, working dogs that are easily trained into the various Service Dog roles such as hearing dogs (assistance dogs for the deaf), mobility dogs, and seizure response dogs. They also make unusually good therapy dogs . Therapy dogs! Did I hear therapy dogs? Once I bumped into Ms. Hardman again at the HS where I work, I knew the universe was trying to tell me something, so we started our journey to find our Sparky. With her help and guidance, there is no price tag we can put to the realization of a dream.

By the way, the name Sparky is a "puppy" version of Sparkles, the name that Frankie wanted for our dog. I'm not sure where he heard it but it couldn't be a better fit - this dog is sparkling, shining full of possibilities and it's already loved and wanted by a family that enjoys hard work and values hope more than anything in the world. Also, what better dog could we find for our water-loving kids than one that would swim with them? It's a match made in heaven!

More to come soon......

****If you want more information about Mrs. Hardman's labor of love, please visit http://siriushealing.com/ ******

Beautiful feet! *warning: if you hate feet, don't read!*

Who writes about feet? Not my sister, she hates feet. I can do it. I can write about anything these days, as long as it amuses me or makes me wonder and yes, I am easily amused....

My feet are not the prettiest feet, I get that, but for my son, Frankie, they are gorgeous. I know this because he told me so! Ok, so that's not a big deal to many but it's a HUGE deal to us. As many of you already know, our little one is ASD and we have had to re-arrange him inside and out to make him fit our society rules and expectations. He's awesome the way he is but we have to make sure everybody else realizes this, even if they don't take the time to see beyond his often expressionless face and awkward ways. Part of this is to teach him rituals that are socially accepted AND expected. Don't get me wrong, as a parent, I had to teach all my kids their "please and thank you's" but I didn't have to teach them how to point, how to smile, how to kiss, how to say "I love you." These were all small battles from the past that we fought and we won and we made a big deal out of them (see previous blog entries for proof!). Now, getting into the subjective stuff is a lot harder and we are working through it slower but steady!

Showing Frankie the art of "complimenting" others has been quite interesting for all of us involved since it's not as easy as it looks. I've heard that teachers usually learn more than their students and this holds true for pretty much all the ABA programs we roll-out for Frankie. First we had to use "compliments" among each other and make sure he understood what a compliment was; make it clear to him when he was receiving one and when others were exchanging them. Needless to say, our home became very courteous and pleasant, at least for a while! Frankie had to learn how to realize when he was being complimented and to be grateful for it. He also had to learn how to give one back without being prompted. Hey, people like to hear good things about themselves and flattery will win you friends - I tell you, one must get crafty these days to make friends at the playground!

Unfortunately, these kinds of things don't pay-off right away and the fruits of your labor are not reaped immediately, until one day it does. On that day, that blessed day, your kid comes up to you and randomly notices you had a pedicure done. Your feet are looking p-r-e-t-t-y nice....he thinks about it, he makes really good eye contact and tells you: "Mommy, you have beautiful feet" - and there you have it! Those words make it all worth it....all $17.50 of it and the half-hour you spent waiting. That day you and your kid learn the power of a compliment!

I probably shed a tear or two when I was told my feet were beautiful but not because I was flattered but because it was the proof that often times I need. I need wonderful proofs like this one to believe that everything Frankie needs to learn can be taught to him and that he can learn it. It does take a lot of effort, time and patience, but isn't it the same for EVERYTHING in life that's worth accomplishing? So, with that compliment in my mind, I will keep on moving my "beautiful feet" and hurry up on this trail we have ahead because time is of essence!

Living on a prayer...

This picture is really old. It wasn't a pose; it wasn't staged - it was taken at a moment, like many moments of my life, when I just pray quietly, asking to find a way to live this new life I have now. I do this pretty much all the time, anytime, every day. If praying gets you to heaven, my ticket is ready...and this is all because I have a son who happens to be in the Autism Spectrum.

People tell me very often that I am a special person and that's why God sent Frankie to me - it's the total opposite. I wasn't special at all before I had Frankie. Truthfully, I am not special now if you ask me; I am just like any other parent who is facing a more challenging task than the parents of a typical child. There is one thing we do have in common: feeling overwhelmed! If you don't believe in something bigger than yourself, it's pretty much inevitable to sink deep into desperation but if you enlist the "big man" on your team, things do get a little easier.

All of my kids have been a blessing in my life and I am grateful for this. Although Frankie's special needs have been difficult to adjust to, it's because of Frankie I am more patient now. Because of Frankie I am more tolerant. Because of Frankie I don't judge. Because of Frankie I live day by day, like we are supposed to do anyway, making each moment count. I treasure the good days because they are glorious and I pray through the hard days because they are dark and I need to make it to the next one.

I must confess that although I pray constantly, I don't make it to church very often. It makes it a little hard sometimes to cope with one hour in the quiet room...It doesn't help either that your child is not welcomed in Sunday School because he is too distracting to the other kids. I'm not complaining, I am just saying that life doesn't fall into place smoothly for our special kiddos - even at church, where everyone should be welcomed. It's the truth and I won't sugar-coat either, still, I don't worry about how "churchy" I am or not - I honestly believe that God still gives me brownie points for trying. He knows I need Him. I know I need Him. This is more powerful than any homily I can listen to sitting on a church pew. God's gospel is alive in my life and there is no other way to describe my living arrangements: I live in the hands of the Lord and that's where my family belongs.

Our Autistic kids are here to make us better, to give us that extra push, to move us from being average to becoming great. We probably needed them more than they needed us and there is a God above who decided to match us in heaven because we probably had no hope otherwise. I believe this from the bottom of my heart and it comes to my mind every time I can't help my kid get over a meltdown. I no longer look for a cure to Autism; it's not an illness, it's a condition...like all conditions, I want Frankie to learn how to live with it, own it, control it and thrive in spite of it. That's a lot to wish for, I know it, but I am getting good at praying; practice makes perfect!